so explain again why im purple
no
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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