soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
