I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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