my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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