My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
