Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
