How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
