you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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