FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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