We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
