mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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