Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
