At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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