if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
