It's like God shit irony all over that family
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We were destined to go to rehab together
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
