Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
