At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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