Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
