You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
