He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
