I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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