Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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