note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
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