Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
