she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
