I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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