my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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