mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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