i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
