East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
