K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
