I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
