dude i'm inner monologue high
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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