she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
