He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This is the high leading the old right now
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
