my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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