Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
