oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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