you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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