I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
