my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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