how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
