If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
