dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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