Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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