I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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