i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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