my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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