my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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