apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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