after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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