Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
