I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think i have two assholes
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
