After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize