Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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