Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I love having hate sex.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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