i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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