I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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