I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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