I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
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