i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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