brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
