I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I understand Curling. That high.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
