he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
