R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
