When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Randomize
