Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
