soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
