So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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