i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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