How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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