I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need to sanitize my soul.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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