I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
