My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
