these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
