is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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